I Don't "DO" Resolutions… DENIAL on the Other Hand…

by | Dec 27, 2010 | General, Life, Ridiculous | 6 comments

I typically swerve away from making new year’s resolutions.

the curve

Because I can never remember if it is New Year Resolutions or New Years Resolutions or New Year’s Resolutions.

I’m serious.

And, for the record, the aforementioned “swerving” is not due to the New Year’s Eve wine/vodka/tequila/etc…

I think my fear of commitment is largely due to the fact that I am afraid to commit withoutassuredsuccess. (Unrelated, I hate to lose.) Not unrelated, one time… I prayed to acquire the virtue of patience and the next thing I knew I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack for all the patience I was working on showing despite all the repressed rage that was tearing up my insides like an F5 tornado going through a weapons factory. And at age 22 I *may* have had a heart attack.

After I prayed to not be having a heart attack… and regained feeling in my arm… I prayed for a good memory. So I would remember to never again pray for patience. EVER.






Despite my fear of setting resolutions, intentions or speaking/writing my goals, praying to become a better person… I’mma gonna take the bull by the horns.


I have no idea.

I’m a blogger, and we do things. Like this. Narcissism. We put ourselves out there for coddling attention the greater good.

Le List de Jenny On the Spot 2011 (Give or Take), In Random, Free-Associative Order, but Numbered… For Ease of Reference:

  1. Make shorter titles.
  2. Sleep 7-8 hours a night. There is ABSOLUTELY no time for this, yet… I feel/act/look a lot like death on the 4-5 I usually get and I am not so much a fan of feeling/acting/looking like death. And though I stand 5 foot 3 and 3/4 soaking wet… I believe breaking the world record in the 100 meter hurdles could be a more attainable resolution…
  3. Start drinking from a glass that is half-full. ish.
  4. Whatever.
  5. Return to consistent, regular exercise. Because I feel/act/look like death when I do not, and I am not so much a fan of feeling/acting/looking like death. And also it is getting hard to breath in my jeans and breathing is kinda important, and I WILL not buy jeans in a more breathable size, if you will.
  6. Be less repetitive.
  7. Be less digressive.
  8. But back to #5… When I combine intention #2 with intention #5 I think, “THE HECK? ARE YOU STUPID, WOMAN?!”
  9. YES.
  10. Then I illustrate to me by equation: time (sleep) + more time (exercise) = you were bankrupt at 3 kids, sista.
  11. Use equation-based illustrations more often, so I can feel more mathy, but still use words.
  12. Purge stuffs. I need room. For nothing. I need my eyes to fall on open space… not clutter.
  13. OR…
  14. Purge as a pre-emptive strike to make more room… The older I get, the more toiletries I need.
  15. By the time I’m 75, I will need a space the size of my whole upstairs to house my creams and special age-syrups serums.
  16. Make more time. Literally. I guess that means I need to invent a time machine, but not for traveling back in time… for MAKING TIME. For all that sleep and exercise. And stuff purging. And studying. Because I am not at all mathy, and inventing a time machine would mean I need to learn more mathessess…
  17. Oh, this is going all wrong. I can’t breathe.
  18. This is #18. FYI.
  19. I want to be more informative in 2011.
  20. The end.
  21. ********

    Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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