I struggle.
I feel ungrateful for feeling this way.
Guilt.
Unappreciative.
Life is good.
Full.
Busy.
Good.
And I am tired.
Beyond…
I don’t know what to throw off.
Discernment?
Decisions paralyze me.
Some days I just go hour by hour.
Some probably think I am a flake.
But in reality… I am paralyzed.
Literally… I can NOT commit/decide/reply/do.
I feel like I have dug a hole and if I reach to climb out, the dirt will bury me.
So I don’t move.
So as not to disturb my dirt walls.
I have never been good at digging holes.
Or climbing.
Me, me, me.
Exhausting, no?
I know I am not the busiest. The tiredest. The confuse-idest.
?
But I feel.
I laugh. Hard.
Big ups… and apparently… BIG downs.
As I write, my chest hurts.
I want to cry.
I just want to take a bath.
To watch a movie.
To go to bed.
Pay bills.
Be out of debt.
To not set my alarm.
To have time for a run.
To have time to rest.
To play Candy Land with Lucy… even though I HATE Candy Land.
I. LONG. TO. BE.
To be.
I hate writing this.
It feels complainer-y.
Wah. Wah. Wah.
Yet…
This is all I have.
I write this not for comfort.
But a purge.
Part of the process?
I hope.
I hope it’s a quick one. I think the walls are caving in.
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Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…
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