The following is an article I wrote for the Type-A Mom Magazine for the birth of 2010. We are well into 2010, and though we are not starting a new year… I kind-of feel like we are now that school is starting. So, without further ado….
Top 10 No-Fail Resolutions for Moms Sure to Make 2010 Sparkle Like a Brand New Toilet!
SURE. I could have used “sparkle like a diamond” instead of “sparkle like a brand new toilet”, but this is a resolution list that should be attainable in real life — MOM life. The most beautiful… no… GLORIOUS real-life-attainable sparkly thing I can imagine is a brand-new toilet.
Close your eyes. Stand before the Toilet of Sparkly Newness. Breathe in. Deeper. Can you smell it? Nooooo. That is because it’s new.
May YOU start 2010 (*or the school year) new and full of sparkle. Here are 10 resolutions I hope will help get you there:
10. Resolve to take naps. Do it.
9. NEVER let the kids have food or drinks in the car.
8. Let the kids have food and drinks in the car.
7. Reconsider (See resolution #9, then #8… respectively). It’s about sanity.
6. Make a commitment to chocolate. Stop fighting the pull of chocolate. She loves you… She wants to make you happy. Help HER make YOU happy.
5. Learn something new in 2010. For example, learn to take naps (see #10). Or how to macramé. Or how to be invisible… I know I won’t be learning how to knit, though. I tried to learn to knit in ’09 and it didn’t go so well:
4. Look your worst more often than your best. THEN, when you look your best you will get LOTS of compliments. “Wow! You look GREAT”. This is far preferred over the gal who looks great MOST of the time. You know the type: one day you see HER without make-up. This causes you to flinch. And not by choice. I guess what I am trying to say is this: Don’t set the bar so high that the fall will hurt. Aim low in 2010! Aim. Low.
3. Scheme for compliments. For example, don’t say you are 29 if you are older than 29. Who came up with this? Add a good 7-15 years to your actual age. If you are 33, say your are 44. I GUARANTEE you will only hear, “No. NO! You are not! You look GREAT!” That’s right. For another example of this “scheming” see #4.
2. Ummm. Make sure you have 10 items when you agree to write a top 10 list. Just another nugget of wisdom.
1. Most importantly… always, ALWAYS have glitter spray on hand. Not only will it make an unsparkly day *sparkle*, but I have found it is a great tool of distraction. No one cares if you are wearing those sweatpants for the FOURTH DAY IN A ROW… Nope. All you will hear, “Are you wearing glitter?!” You will then snap, throw out a sassy-hip move and say, “You know it.” As you walk away, you will *almost” hear the ooh’s and ahh’s worshiping your awesome.
So, clearly… this top 10 list isn’t just for starting a new year…
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