A paternity test?

I’ve been feeling not-normal-ish lately.

Some not-normal-ish has been reminiscent of times when I have had a bun in the oven ifyaknowwhatimean.

A physical manifestation or two… An intense craving for pickled things.

Seriously. I nearly tore my pantry apart looking for pickles or pickled jalepenos… I even pulled out vinegar (but put it back) becuase I just needed *something*.

Weird?

I would say that it is. I have never been known for my pickle consumption.

I am an Oreo and coffee kind of gal.

Here’s the thing… I shouldn’t be concerned about being pregnant. You see, the huz visited Dr. Snip…

and it took.

Dr. Snip.

*does scissor hand-thing*

So, given all that history, as I’ve been expressing my concern to my huz — he inisits it would be imposssible.

IMPOSSIBLE.

I said, “I have heard stories. These things happen.”

He said, “Well, if you are, then I’m going to have to demand a paternity test.”

As I accounted for my time in my head, all I could see was the glow of my computer…

I was all, “Yeah. It’d come back that my computer was the father.”

Seriously, I have been spending so much time on le computer, it could almost be my parasitic twin.

Oooooor the father of the child I am most likely not pregnant with.

I guess at this point I should tell you that at this point I don’t think I am pregnant.

But I’m not ruling anything out.

THESE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED, RIGHT?

Bodies are weird. Minds are weird. I should know for sure in a few days. But I had to check my cycle schedule with the huz. He keeps track for me him. Poor guy. I really am a bit of a train wreck… even without being pregnant with a computer.

Clearly, I am exhausted.

My amends.

********

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19 Responses to “A paternity test?”

  1. BrassyDel says:

    Yeah, the less time it has been since LE SNIP-SNIP… the more likely it is that things re-adhere together. It doesn’t happen often, but yeah. It happens.

    Heck, my friend’s daughter just had a freaking miracle baby. Gal had her tubes done TWICE and was on birth control! She wasn’t supposed to have another baby for medical reasons, but they both made it just fine thanks to modern medicine, and she had them take the whole shebang out this time.

    Of course, there are lots of things that can make a woman feel preggos without being it. Or you can have an hysterical pregnancy! FUN!

    • At this point it’s just a waiting game 🙂 My friend wanted me to go take a test past night, and I was all, “Eh. if it is, I’ll know. If it isn’t, I’ll know.” Besides, tests are so expensive, I’d rather blow it on coffee and get nature’s answer 🙂 I’m probably just my normal hormonal whacked!

  2. Jennheffer says:

    Bahahah! Bryan and I joke about this very thing ALL THE TIME! he visited dr. Snip about a year after we had Brayden. Since then, we have met several families that have had children AFTER said visit. Icing in the cake – 2 out if the three families that have post snip babies that we knew real well…their names were BRYAN too.

    We have a stash of diapers…just in case!

  3. kristin says:

    I have had the same discussion with my man! He keeps track for me too and said he will be erring against a miracle and checking with paternity too, ha! 🙂

  4. Becky W says:

    I, too, have been feeling a little crazy in said head. Here’s what I have be blaming it on:
    1) my upcoming move and paperwork and keeping the house clean. every. single. day. Like MIL is coming over clean.
    2)rain/sun/rain depression. I mean, really? Make up your mind, Mother Nature!
    3) the ‘graduation’ from 5th to 6th – ya know what I mean?
    4) end-of-the-school-year blecks.

    This has all caused ice cream emergencies, salt & vinegar chips crisis and Mexican food interventions. Not to mention the scatterbrainededness you typically find in a “due-in-a-month” type lady.
    —hormonally yours, Becky

  5. Jen says:

    The man’s name in charge of the snipping in this town is Dr. Stop. Seriously, not kidding. I have faith in him.

  6. Michelle W says:

    Could be pre-menopausal? Cause there are apparently so many different parts of actually going through menopause, it could take 10 years! Not that I am calling you old.
    Cause you’re my age, and I’m a spring chicken. OK, maybe a Summer chicken.
    Maybe you really did get pregnant from your computer.
    Let me know.
    Mine is looking at me strange.

  7. One of my best friends has a chronic, genetic illness. Because of this, her parents made the decision after she was diagnosed that they would do the snip thing….
    So they did.

    Their second son was born 13 years later.

    No paternity needed. Go for those checkups after a vasectomy. They’re important! hahaha

  8. Andrea says:

    oooo—I would be so excited to snuggle a baby!! Welcome to peri-menopaus–or whatever they call it–apparently this weird hormone things can go on for 10 years BEFORE you even hit menopaus (or shall I say MENTAL-PAUSE?) No rhyme or reason–just general weirdness–, cravings, achings, moodiness (like I need more) for 10 years–why do we women have it so hard–all so we can bring bring new life into the world? (and even though that is pretty miraculous) shouldn’t 9 months and then months of chaffed nipples, sleepless nights be enough, etc. etc. etc.? Do we have to experience extra perks too?
    But back to my 1st statement–I’d love to snuggle a baby!!!

  9. wendy hagen says:

    Who’s your daddy?

  10. Oh, this was funny, but wouldn’t be very funny if it came true for us and judging by the comments, it can be a reality…so scary! Thanks for sharing.

  11. The comments on this post are priceless! SOoooooo….what’s the verdict? Preggers or not? I have a ton of baby crap I can send your way…..you know, with the twins and all we tend to accumulate….it’s a problem. I also think, the more I give away, then it’s less likely I’ll get pregnant again….er….something?

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