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Why Elf On the Shelf gives me chest pains.

Have you heard of this ELF ON THE SHELF thing?

HAVE. YOU?

Well, then you clearly are not on Pinterest

Elf On the Shelf on Pinterest

Or you must be a recluse.

Which, by the way… is totally not a bad thing. I have nothing against a recluse.

I am merely saying if you have not heard about this “elf on the shelf” phenomenon, then … you must live in isolation.

That’s all.

Not that’s there’s anything wrong with living in isolation.

But I digress…

All I know is as I hop around the blogosphere I am seeing lots of elves on shelves and such. In fact, the other night my Pinterest was utterly commandeered by Elf On the Shelf Pinners and I was all, “WHOA”. Then, as a mom who wants to do all the fun holiday stuffs… I felt guilty that I was not Elf and Shelfin’ it.

And then I felt relieved that I was not Elf and Shelfin’ it because …

HEAVEN. ON. EARTH. WHAT IS WORSE THAN A MYTHICAL CREATURE THAT COMES  EVERY TIME THE TOOTH OF CHILD FALLS OUT???

!!!

???

!!!

AN ELF THAT FLIES TO THE NORTH POLE EVERY NIGHT AND THEN COMES BACK TO HIDE.

FOR A WHOLE MONTH!!!!!!!

Sweet potato pancakes, people!!!

Part of me thinks, “How cute! How fun! My kids would love that!”

Then the real-life part of me takes my fool self by the shoulders, shakes them violently and yells, “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EVER-LOVING MIND FOOL WOMAN?! REMEMBER THE TOOTH FAIRY? REMEMBER THE TOOTH FAIRY, WOMAN???!!!

The Tooth Fairy has a TERRIBLE memory.

Honestly… I think this Elf On the Shelf thing is painfully adorable… An elf making a “snow” angel. Oh for Pete’s sake. Kill me with cute why don’t you.

You, and you, and you, and you… keep killin’ it with the cute.

I’m just gonna work on surviving the next few weeks and pray nobody loses a tooth anytime soon…

********

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23 Responses to “Why Elf On the Shelf gives me chest pains.”

  1. Paula Schuck says:

    So love you. You’re too funny. Oh and I must live under a rock because I’ve never heard of elf on a shelf phenomenon. Oh well now I have got to go look. Thanks!

    @inkscrblr

  2. Elizabeth says:

    We got an Elf this year. Thankfully Charlie doesn’t go looking for it the first thing in the morning. I’ve been able to move it around while he’s eating breakfast or getting dressed. Saved my butt a few times!

  3. Jen says:

    No elves on shelves here, just dust and a half-filled advent calendar because I didn’t buy enough candy to cover all the days. Too many fun things to do at the holidays = lots of half-done holiday traditions. I think the elf would push me over the edge (of the shelf!).

  4. Becky says:

    We had the elf growing up. He hid in the Christmas tree the whole time and watched the presents. One time he was on a wreath, but that was a wild and crazy year. When my kidlets were smaller, the elf showed up on the tree, we talked about not snooping in presents, and stuck him in the branches. Now he hangs out on a wreath!

  5. Tarable says:

    Ummm…so I’ve heard of the Elf on a Shelf but I didn’t realize that he has to go to a new place every day? That sounds like a lot of work. Fortunately, my kiddo is only eight months and we’re raising him Jewish, so maybe I can work a little Hanukkah Harry action into the mix?

  6. never heard of such a thing and i am totes addicted to pinterest! ha! not a recluse either, although i would be willing to give it a shot if only people would leave me alone! 😉

  7. Carrie says:

    No kids here. But I seriously thought about doing this elf thing at the office.

    And naming him “Ass”.

    Because that way every morning I could come in and get away with stuff like, “Look…there’s Ass!” and “Anybody see Ass lately?”

    I’m sorry. I hope to goodness your blog doesn’t start smoldering or blow up. It’s just that kind of morning.

  8. Kerry says:

    Woah!! I could never remember to keep hiding it! I’d be like.. yeah, he broke his leg and couldn’t hide, so thats why he’s been in the same spot for 4 days.

    This coming from the woman who just this past weekend told her kids that the tooth fairy doesnt work weekends. ….

  9. jubilee says:

    I saw the Elf a lot last year and thought it was a cute idea. Until I decided that I just could not add one more thing to my to-do list. And I did not want to have to explain how/why one more beloved Christmas character didn’t really exist. We are already having issues with believing in the jolly man himself this year. Ack!

  10. Elf on the Shelf…It all sounds kinda of wierd. But who am I to say. The tooth fairy yeah I’ve had some issues with that too. Join the crowd.

  11. Michelle W says:

    Out of control! No way. Not doing it.
    You know I love all things crafty and fun and mythical(for that matter), but Oh my goodness.
    What is next??
    Oh wait, Should I have not asked that?

  12. uh oh, our Elf hasn’t moved. I will admit, he scared me a little bit.

  13. Jen says:

    Are you kidding me?!? My kids just got a package in the mail from Barnes & Noble…of course it’s an Elf on the Shelf from my mother. Thanks a lot MOM. Think I can get away without using it?

  14. wendy hagen says:

    Oh crud, thank you so much. I forgot to move Alphie Ralphie (our elf on the shelf) last night. Only the first night he was supposed to be in action. And I was about to forget again tonight. Thanks friend. Hoping that somebody comes up with another mythical character soon that I have to keep up with.

  15. Emily says:

    Yay, I don’t even get it in the first place. But kid’s crap in general throws me for a loop.

  16. kell says:

    I’m so glad I’m not the only mom who isn’t doing Elf on the Shelf because the thought of one more thing I can’t forget makes my hair fall out.

  17. Heather C. says:

    Seriously, where do those women on Pinterest find the time? And the energy? It makes the insides of my skull hurt.

  18. Heather B says:

    I snorted. And I’m proud. You just crack me up!!!

  19. simply heidi says:

    If I wanted a creepy little creature popping up in all sorts of crazy places throughout the house, I’d have had another baby.
    And the snow angel one? Call me Grinch, but my first thought was “Who’s got to clean up that mess, eh?”
    Why is the #!@%& elf never just. on. the. shelf?

  20. beth says:

    Elf on the Shelf totally and utterly freaks me out. Just too weird and freaky. I’m sorry your mom got your kids one–you’re doomed! Hilarious post.

    Beth

  21. Jenn says:

    I confess.

    I am doing the elf on the shelf.

    But. My kids are being naughty. He is taking names and…well, actuall, presents.

    Yes, the Hubs got smoking PO’d last night, and took away ALL the presents sent by family back home, and hid it. And left Alfie sitting under an empty tree, looking forlorn.

    Yup.

    And I thought I was a mean mom. He takes the cake.

    Let’s see these little whippersnappers fall in line.

    And yes, I forget to move him….I have great excuses though.

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