Why Elf On the Shelf gives me chest pains.
Have you heard of this ELF ON THE SHELF thing?
Well, then you clearly are not on Pinterest…
Or you must be a recluse.
Which, by the way… is totally not a bad thing. I have nothing against a recluse.
I am merely saying if you have not heard about this “elf on the shelf” phenomenon, then … you must live in isolation.
Not that’s there’s anything wrong with living in isolation.
But I digress…
All I know is as I hop around the blogosphere I am seeing lots of elves on shelves and such. In fact, the other night my Pinterest was utterly commandeered by Elf On the Shelf Pinners and I was all, “WHOA”. Then, as a mom who wants to do all the fun holiday stuffs… I felt guilty that I was not Elf and Shelfin’ it.
And then I felt relieved that I was not Elf and Shelfin’ it because …
HEAVEN. ON. EARTH. WHAT IS WORSE THAN A MYTHICAL CREATURE THAT COMES EVERY TIME THE TOOTH OF CHILD FALLS OUT???
AN ELF THAT FLIES TO THE NORTH POLE EVERY NIGHT AND THEN COMES BACK TO HIDE.
FOR A WHOLE MONTH!!!!!!!
Sweet potato pancakes, people!!!
Part of me thinks, “How cute! How fun! My kids would love that!”
Then the real-life part of me takes my fool self by the shoulders, shakes them violently and yells, “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EVER-LOVING MIND FOOL WOMAN?! REMEMBER THE TOOTH FAIRY? REMEMBER THE TOOTH FAIRY, WOMAN???!!!“
Honestly… I think this Elf On the Shelf thing is painfully adorable… An elf making a “snow” angel. Oh for Pete’s sake. Kill me with cute why don’t you.
You, and you, and you, and you… keep killin’ it with the cute.
I’m just gonna work on surviving the next few weeks and pray nobody loses a tooth anytime soon…
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