School has begun.
So there’s that.
Funny how having all your kids gone a large portion of the day doesn’t necessarily mean there is any more time.
It’s like trading one evil for another.
I have been told I am not optimistic enough.
I argue I am a realist.
Optimism is cute, though. But little flowers in one’s hair is cute too, and I can’t quite pull that off either.
I guess we all have our things.
I feel a bit like I’ve lost my way. That can be taken in a dozen ways to the left. A dozen to the right. And another dozen downhill.
I was reflecting on my resolution-ish recently… the idea of “lovely”.
Have I stuck to it?
At times. But mostly I forget about it. I think it’s a noble intent, but golly it’s hard as hour builds on hour and day on day and week on week and next thing you know one hath forgotten one’s vow to be lovely-ish.
Especially when driving behind slow drivers.
It’s not that I’m a monster (or even a speeder) but it’s tough to anticipate life and sometimes the act of surviving trumps the cute resolution-ishes you once championed.
I came across a quote from Joyce Meyer, “Patience is not the ability to wait but how you act when you’re waiting.”
Ouch.
Patience is lovely. I am not patient.
Therefore…
Also, the older I get the more I learn I am a stickler for time and when others do not meet my expectation that say, 5 p.m. means 5 p.m. … and not 5:34 p.m…. I am very much not lovely.
I do believe people who are chronically late are chronically rude and care more about themselves and their list than what others are trying to balance…. however, I still get to choose how I respond. And I think if I wasn’t so pressed for time on all sides, I could better absorb the rudeness lateness of others.
An aside: there is a difference between 5 minutes late and 15. There is also a difference between being occasionally late and chronically late. It’s the chronic, 5 minute+ delays and the repeat offenders that get my goose the most.
And my Lucy.
Bless that girl and her lack of any sense of urgency.
She takes me all over the emotional map. I just can’t even know what will happen next with that rainbow of chaos.
Speaking of emotional map… I have 2 kids in middle school.
I go to boot camp occasionally and one time one of the instuctor guys was all, “I MOVED 4000 POUNDS OF SAND YESTERDAY!”
(The boot camp instructor-guys speak in all caps, it’s true…)
I didn’t say anything to the instructor-guy because I have never been one to speak up in class (though I have always been one to talk TO MY FRIENDS in class)… but I did say to myself after he said that about the sand, “Well, I went to TWO MIDDLE SCHOOL ORIENTATIONS YESTERDAY.”
I felt like my 7 ish hours at the middle school (with a fire drill in torrential rain) earned the same if not more bragging rights than carrying a million pounds of sand.
Why do I always feel the need to win fights that are not fights?
Speaking of fights… My son is in football… like with pads and helmets and tackling and such heathen things.
He came home with a swollen finger the other day.
I joined a fantom FANTASY football thingy.
I am 1-1 right now.
You know what my team name is?
TEAM AWESOME PANTS.
I WIN!
(See???? We were not even fighting about fantasy football team names and I totally had to win.)
My girls are going to be in Annie this Fall. Livi is Grace (Warbucks’ secretary/crush) and Lucy is Pepper – the bully orphan.
Lucy is as thick as a wisp of hair, but that girl is a killer bully.
…
So football, and play rehearsals, and did I mention we canned the whole homeschoolng thing with Lucy.
Remember how I said she takes me all over the emotional map? I think I take her all over the map too. Before I homeschooled her she loved math. Now, not so much. And she is more social than, than… whatever animal is the most social of all animals. She was in no way kept from people while homeschooling, but the girl needs people. Like the truest writer needs only a pen and paper and solitude… my Lucy needs people.
She needs people more than she needs water.
I’m not exaggerating.
And she needs someone else to teach her math.
Did I mention her teacher is one of my dearest friends?
I’m heading to Blog Elevated this week!
I’m trying to count calories again.
That’s no fun.
Read: my bloodstream is VEEEERY low on wine. If I can’t have wine, then I extra-especially need to exercise. But if I exercise, then I feel I earn the wine.
And cupcakes.
And whathaveyou.
I could tell you a TON more… like, our house is on the market, but no one is biting. Job(s) are not in the secure state they once were. If I could be more vague I would. Pretty-much a bunch of things are just sort-of hanging over our heads. Like a wasps nest.
An optimist would say an apple tree ripe with apples is hanging its limbs over our heads.
Me? Wasp nest.
It’s the vague stuff that has me sitting a bit more quiet these days… Part trying to be wise in words. Part trying to not be pessimistic. Part trying to sort things out in time instead of panic. Part the grace of God.
OK friends… thanks for listening to me ramble. Or if you just skipped to the end of the book, that’s cool. I skip to the end from time to time too.
Speaking of skipping to the end… I’m gonna get to bed. Nothing like a good night’s rest to help with perspective.
Peace.
Sparkles.
Family… (on the first day of GANGSTA school, it seems…)
And grace, y’all.
xoxox
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