Definitely not a Make Me Laugh Monday.
Why??? BECAUSE I WANT TO VENT.
So LAST WEEK smacked around my ego quite a bit. But then I met Mr. Cherry on Top. On the 5th grade field trip.
Because riding 3 to a seat on a bus bursting out the windows with hormonal smelly gossipy loud lively tweens wasn’t awesome enough.
This had me…
eyeballing this…
But back to my urge to shove a grown man off a park bench.
There was this field trip. With a nature walk. Through a meadow, a forest, to a beaver-made pond and back to grandmother’s house.
We were in the forest-part. I am so out-doorsy… 50-80 year-old trees towered above. We stopped to listen to a guide-person. There was a bench. I was tired.
I sat on the bench.
I’m a hard-working girl. Frankly, it was nice to sit on a bench and yawn instead of standing in my boots made for wading (great for the meadow) but not for walking (not great for the forest)… and yawn.
This is not Santa. It’s me.
My co-chaperone (a father) sat next to me.
I yawned.
I apologized.
I yawned again.
I apologized.
He said…
He, he… he said,
You know… after 40, you shouldn’t be partyin’ so hard on a weeknight…
The H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS???
What the…?
AFTER. FORTY?????
!!!!!
?????
On my outside, I laughed nervously, but on the inside I had quite the conversation with myself… trying to decide whether I should:
- Say nothing, and continue in nervous laughter…
- Point out that the only forty year old on that there bench was OVER FORTY HIM…
- Shove him off the bench…
- Push him in the beaver pond…
- Chop down the cedar/alder/douglassfir/IDon’tKnowMyTrees he was sitting under…
- Ask him, “HOW OVER FORTY DO YOU THINK I AM AND DO YOU NEED A RECOMMENDATION TO A GOOD EYE DOCTOR, AND WOULD YOU LIKE TO START RUNNING NOW??? BECAUSE I AM GOING TO START THROWING THESE PINE CONES AT YOU.”
- All of the above…
I sure hope he doesn’t read my blog.
Also, I am WAY more of a bad a$* in my head.
FOR THE RECORD: I AM NOT FORTY!!! NOT FORTY NOR OVER FORTY.
Yet.
I ended up just nervously laughing and said, “Heh. Yeah. Heh. Heh.”
But the heart of my face wanted to show him this:
- What did you just say?
- No seriously dude.
- I LOOK OVER 40 TO YOU???
- Are you blind? Have you NO SOUL, man??? You don’t talk like that to a woman. Even if she’s 80, she is NEVER over 30. EVER.
EVER.
SO. Have YOU ever slipped up? Put your foot in your mouth? Do tell… do tell…
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