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In Which I Ask Myself, "The Heck?!"

by | Sep 9, 2010 | Conferencing, General | 11 comments

I’m sure you know exactly what I am talking about. One day you are in New York. Just enjoying the sights on Broadway… at 7 in the morning, in a tutu… Ya know… just a simple girl doing simple, normal, everyday things…

on broadwaySee? Normal. Totes.

And before you know it, daytime turns to darktime. Strange, gorgeous women with really big hair, who eat 3 peas and one cashew a day… appear hungry eager to shave the legs of others. It is at this point I say to me, “THE HECK?!” And also, “How did I get to here? No, really. How did I get here, people?”

shaving legs

Similarly… One day you find yourself keeping a blog. Just enjoying the camaraderie, the 2 comments and creative outlet… All alone. With your laptop and your mind. And all the internet.

Before you know it you find yourself “pitching”, but not in a baseball sort-of way. Pitching to speak. Because you have things to say, and eventually one or two or… of the pitchees say “bring it”.

More or less.

This is where I turn to me and says,

THE HECK, Jenny?!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO US???!!! Speak? In front of PEOPLE? You write. Your grace — editing. There is no grace in speaking. You make videos – THAT YOU EDIT. Jenny. Jenny. JEN. NY. Why dost thou betray us?

Us. Yes US. I We are like layers. Me, Myself, I and J-Bling.

Though I am out-of-my-skin excited, I am also freaked-to-the-out! Times a hundred. Give or take. Next week I will present “How to be an internet movie phenom without taking your clothes off!” at Ignite Seattle 11. And it matters not if I am an internet movie phenom, it only matters that I am.

Dissect that.

I am excited and honored to soon join Ignite “alumni” status with 3 women I greatly admire – Jen of This Pile, Maya of Think Maya, and Aimee of Greeblemonkey. Guilty by association? Then YES.

And then there’s the Type-A Mom conference in a couple of weeks… where I will speak on a panel about humor blogging. I will sit next to some serious funny and I will want to crawl into the hole of a hole of a hole of a hole in the bottom of the sea and chide myself, “Why do you do this to us, Jenny?!”

But then I look for inspiration. Today, I look to Eminem … lyricist, philosopher, rapper…

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

Not that I will be making music. Or rapping. Or wearing a baseball cap sideways. Or grabbing myself.

Yeah.

I just need the young girl who was so nervous she misspelled “kitchen” in her 5th grade spelling bee to “blow”, if you will. To throw caution to the wind. To worry not what the crowd will think but worry what she will think in 5 years if she lets fear, insecurity and timidity create her path.

What if  — I tank? It is entirely possible. At least my Ignite presentation won’t be caught on video.

Oh. Crap.

********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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