I am not kidding.
THIS IS MY 4TH POST ON MY WORD FOR THE YEAR.
I cannot decide.
Either I have identified too many things I need to work on or I just need to commit to the word that I keep coming back to but still leaves me wanting…
Decisiveness
I’m not kidding. I have never written 4 full unpublished posts on anything.
Irony.
Though I want to work on being balls-to-the-wall-ballsy and lose 10 pounds and never talk negatively to myself again and see IRL friends IRL and be gentle with my kids in our morning routine…
I keep coming back to decisiveness.
The art of deciding.
I have long said I am a bad decider.
I hate it.
Decisiveness involves scheduling. It involves weighing people’s feelings. It often involves money. Or worse…. CREATIVITY NOT INVOLVING A GLUE GUN.
Also…decisiveness is not easy to type.
A bad typists nightmare.
I digress.
Within this one word there is a world of things:
- • deciding to be ballsy…
- • deciding to eat vegetables…
- • deciding to not compare my apples to others’ oranges…
- • deciding to make friend time…
- • deciding not to yell at the kids…
The consequence of not deciding is I separate myself from ownership.
I GIVE AWAY ownership.
Sure, it saves me something in the moment. But I lose out in the end.
Others get the only date available because I couldn’t decide.
Others land the awesome projects because those bad boys are riddled with a web of decisions.
Honestly, it scares me. I have built a life around not deciding. I have even told my husband I pray my future daughter/son-in-laws don’t have moms who are good deciders… I don’t want to be part of wedding planning with another person’s mother who is quick to decide!
PLUS? I am seeing this indecision take root in my children.
No.
Nope.
I need to show my girls how a strong, confident woman makes decisions, yo!
Oh yeah. CONFIDENCE.
Confidence plays a big role in the art of decision. So part deux of this decidery-resolution is nixing the negative talk. The negative thinking changes my view of my abilities and when I question my abilities I delay decisions because I don’t want to reckon with the demons of my inadequate self…
And you see that?
What a mess.
While there are a million things I can improve on. This year, I decide to work on deciding.
There. It is decided.
But I can still change my mind. Right?
What was my word for last year? You can read about LOVELY here. Maybe later this week I should do a little update on LOVELY.
I guess I should make a decision on that.
Maybe my issue is with commitment.
I can’t decide.
I heavens. 2014 may be a long one.
Do you have a word or a resolution? You don’t have to. My personality like goals and lists. What about you. What is moving you forward in the new year?
