Late + writing = over-sharing
And apparently, word problems.
Typically, Mondays are my “Make We Laugh” days, but I’m coming up tired blank.
I did laugh pretty hard recently when my friend told me something to the tune of “You have it all together.” She said something about my house always being clean.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
*dying of laughter*
Sweet hallucinations deceptions mercies.
- My house appears clean (operative words in italics), because you have only come over when I know you are coming over. And also, do not go into my bedroom.
- Every night my husband and I have to unload my “pile of good intentions” off the bed so as to not sleep, etc… *ahem* on clean laundry, papers that need to be filed, hair clips, costume jewelry and miniature bags of coffee, business cards, and always at least one Flip camera.
- My inbox(es). Don’t even start me.
- In fact, my youngest’s poor teacher has to email me in ALL CAPS if she really needs a reply.
- I am a HORRIBLE PERSON.
- But it works.
- The ALL CAPS
- Not the horrible person part.
- I got my eyebrows waxed the other day… and I swear I lost 5 pounds.
- Who has time to tend eyebrows?
- Or trim fingernails?
- Don’t look at my fingernails, nor the fingernails of my children.
- Please.
- Wait.
- Or DO, and while you do… make sure you have a pair of nail clippers handy… m’kay?
- I get emails/texts and have conversations far too often with friends who ask, “What is the best way to get a hold of you?”
- I have no idea. I haven’t returned my own phone call in weeks.
- It’s true.
- But I do I email myself to remind me of things only to end up cussing at myself for filling-up my inbox.
- I AM A MESS.
- I haven’t worn my retainer in 3 nights.
- Because I haven’t cleaned it.
- Ew.
- My kids and their underwear… they ALL own a lion’s share of pairs of undies, yet… where is a clean pair?
- I have said… true story ahead… “Turn them inside out. I’ll wash today. Promise.”
- Desperate times, people… deseperate times…
- I have heard back, “I turned them inside out 3 days ago. It’s just gross NOW, MOM!”
- JUST NOW???
- !!!
- ?!?!?!?!?!
- !!!!!
- I think my days as head laundress are numbered.
- Indeed.
- The new low was at Christmas.
- (Because 3 days of my child having to wear turned-inside-out undies was not low enough…)
- When my beloved parents found themselves on my living room floor… sorting socks on my behalf. They nearly drowned.
- In socks.
- *feels shame*
- I think they’d rather drown in money.
- As would I.
- They love me and I love them and I have never been more humbled in all my life.
- Except maybe that time after giving birth to my first (29 hours, back labor, epidural expired… LONG story…) and at the “new-parent-check-out-class” the next day… the lady who GAVE BIRTH TO TWINS…
- BREECH
- said, “OH. So YOU were the one screaming.”
- She *had* to wait for me to get out of the delivery room (yes, there was only one delivery room) before she could deliver… and heard my every howl.
- While she “breathed” and “focused”… I’m sure. And waited on me.
- Oh….. and did I HOWL.
- Hey, I’m good at something… and anyone who doesn’t howl in that kind of pain… is NUTS.
- NUTS.
- A person is not right in the head if one doesn’t let out a many-a-howl when passing A HUMAN.
- *shivers*
- Reminder: back labor… 29 hours… NO EPIDURAL… when I thought I had an epidural.
- I was young. I was delirious…
- I WAS PASSING A HUMAN.
- I won’t share the rest… other than to say I am amazed I have any innards remaining inward.
- You have no idea.
- Or perhaps you do.
- And if you do… I embrace you, my Sister.
- I digress. Big surprise.
- The socks…. my parents… being humbled and having it all together???
Have it all together???
Clearly, not.
BUT… I DO have a good Mama and Daddy. Their love? The purest, deepest, unconditional love.
So, I guess I own them a huge thanks… for helping me perpetuate the image of “having it together”.
But let’s face it, if they didn’t, then THEY would look like bad parents… having a daughter who doesn’t have it together, so…
Mom. Dad. Can you come back? The basket is getting pretty full… Our reputation depends on it.
#lovethem
#somuch
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