I Should Be Ashamed. But It's Late and I Am Lacking Good Judgement.

by | Jan 10, 2011 | Life | 18 comments

Late + writing = over-sharing

And apparently, word problems.

Typically, Mondays are my “Make We Laugh” days, but I’m coming up tired blank.

I did laugh pretty hard recently when my friend told me something to the tune of “You have it all together.” She said something about my house always being clean.


*dying of laughter*

Sweet hallucinations deceptions mercies.

  • My house appears clean (operative words in italics), because you have only come over when I know you are coming over. And also, do not go into my bedroom.
  • Every night my husband and I have to unload my “pile of good intentions” off the bed so as to not sleep, etc… *ahem* on clean laundry, papers that need to be filed, hair clips, costume jewelry and miniature bags of coffee, business cards, and always at least one Flip camera.
  • My inbox(es). Don’t even start me.
  • In fact, my youngest’s poor teacher has to email me in ALL CAPS if she really needs a reply.
  • But it works.
  • The ALL CAPS
  • Not the horrible person part.
  • I got my eyebrows waxed the other day… and I swear I lost 5 pounds.
  • Who has time to tend eyebrows?
  • Or trim fingernails?
  • Don’t look at my fingernails, nor the fingernails of my children.
  • Please.
  • Wait.
  • Or DO, and while you do… make sure you have a pair of nail clippers handy… m’kay?
  • I get emails/texts and have conversations far too often with friends who ask, “What is the best way to get a hold of you?”
  • I have no idea. I haven’t returned my own phone call in weeks.
  • It’s true.
  • But I do I email myself to remind me of things only to end up cussing at myself for filling-up my inbox.
  • I AM A MESS.
  • I haven’t worn my retainer in 3 nights.
  • Because I haven’t cleaned it.
  • Ew.
  • My kids and their underwear… they ALL own a lion’s share of pairs of undies, yet… where is a clean pair?
  • I have said… true story ahead… “Turn them inside out. I’ll wash today. Promise.”
  • Desperate times, people… deseperate times…
  • I have heard back, “I turned them inside out 3 days ago. It’s just gross NOW, MOM!”
  • JUST NOW???
  • !!!
  • ?!?!?!?!?!
  • !!!!!
  • I think my days as head laundress are numbered.
  • Indeed.
  • The new low was at Christmas.
  • (Because 3 days of my child having to wear turned-inside-out undies was not low enough…)
  • When my beloved parents found themselves on my living room floor… sorting socks on my behalf. They nearly drowned.
  • In socks.
  • *feels shame*
  • I think they’d rather drown in money.
  • As would I.
  • They love me and I love them and I have never been more humbled in all my life.
  • Except maybe that time after giving birth to my first (29 hours, back labor, epidural expired… LONG story…) and at the “new-parent-check-out-class” the next day… the lady who GAVE BIRTH TO TWINS…
  • said, “OH. So YOU were the one screaming.”
  • She *had* to wait for me to get out of the delivery room (yes, there was only one delivery room) before she could deliver… and heard my every howl.
  • While she “breathed” and “focused”… I’m sure. And waited on me.
  • Oh….. and did I HOWL.
  • Hey, I’m good at something… and anyone who doesn’t howl in that kind of pain… is NUTS.
  • NUTS.
  • A person is not right in the head if one doesn’t let out a many-a-howl when passing A HUMAN.
  • *shivers*
  • Reminder: back labor… 29 hours… NO EPIDURAL… when I thought I had an epidural.
  • I was young. I was delirious…
  • I won’t share the rest… other than to say I am amazed I have any innards remaining inward.
  • You have no idea.
  • Or perhaps you do.
  • And if you do… I embrace you, my Sister.
  • I digress. Big surprise.
  • The socks…. my parents… being humbled and having it all together???

Matching socks for a family of five

Have it all together???

Clearly, not.

BUT… I DO have a good Mama and Daddy. Their love? The purest, deepest, unconditional love.

So, I guess I own them a huge thanks… for helping me perpetuate the image of “having it together”.

But let’s face it, if they didn’t, then THEY would look like bad parents… having a daughter who doesn’t have it together, so…

Mom. Dad. Can you come back? The basket is getting pretty full… Our reputation depends on it.




Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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