In Which I Am Glad I Am Not A Salmon

by | Nov 6, 2010 | Animals & Pets | 7 comments

I totes got educated.

I am not a native of the Pacific NorthWET… I mean NORTHWEST… So, instead of taking “History of the Pacific Northwest: How the Salmon Die”… I took “History of California: We Are Bigger than Your State. WAY Bigger”.

In the 13+ years I have lived here, the most I have really learned about salmon is that they taste super-nommy when cooked on a cedar plank.

Or something like that.

Until my daughter’s third-grade field trip to a local salmon spawning site.

The salmon came a week early this year. This meant we had to travel a mile further upstream.

If I do my math right – it took them a week to make a mile.

Herein lies reason #1 I am glad I am not a salmon – I can swim a mile in under 30 minutes.


I don’t even have a special fish fin. Just me and my arms and legs. I’m not even MADE for water.


The second reason I am glad I am not a salmon is… the whole DYING AFTER “GIVING BIRTH”.

Basically, these puppies, ermmmm… fishies swim up a stream, lay their eggs and die.

Not that I didn’t feel like dying after giving birth, but seriously.

So. If you ever make your way down a trail to a creek where the salmon spawn… be prepared.


Think about it – death.


dead salmon


dead salmon with teeth

They have teeth. Not unlike barracuda and piranha. See why I am afraid of fish?! Can fish get the Rabies?

I know! Let’s play a picture game! This will be fun! Can you find the decomposing salmon?

do you see what I see?

What fun for the third graders!

But enough about them – you’d be so proud of me. I never threw up! All that death and smell of death and observant third-grade comments… and I never vomited!

But I gagged.

Multiple times.

And  I offer my amends for posting such pictures. Just be thankful the interwebz is not scratch and sniff… just sayin’.


Over here… I have a sweet post about friendship up. Hope you can pop by 🙂


Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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