Dear Starbucks,
There was this one time, a long time ago.
I am good with neither math, nor estimations, nor spatial reasoning, nor with recall.
But the specifics of time do not matter. What matters is I NEED THE UNICORN.
16 of them.
Or more, now that I know how hard it is to find said Unicorn.
By Unicorn I mean your customizable cold cups.
I have asked around and lots of people direct me to here or to there, but what people don’t understand is THIS IS THE UNICORN… for this cup has a removable center.
REMOVABLE. CENTER. CUP.
I bought one of your Unicorns a few years back and I made it sparkle.
Literally.
It is my destiny.
I have looked from the start of the internet to the end of the internet.
*rubs eyes*
*goes to therapy*
I have found our Unicorn being sold on eBay for $24.99… and all the way up to $198.69 on Amazon.
I have found Unicorn impostors on bulk-buy sites that require some license and a 500 cup buy-in. Even then. I wonder if they really are the Unicorn that I seek.
OUR Unicorn.
Starbucks, my love… I just need 16 Unicorns cups.
16.
Sweet 16.
I promise I will not sell them on eBay. I promise I will not sell them on a street corner.
I promise I will not stockpile them in my craft drawer(s) and brag that I have 16 customizable cold cups in my craft drawer(s).
I want to spread the sparkle and I really can’t reveal exactly what for on the internet just yet. But Dear Starbucks if you’d have your people call my people (I don’t actually have “people, but…) I’d tell you exactly what I am scheming up to and I know your corporate heart would be all, “WE MUST FIND HER UNICORNS! NOW!!!”
Like Daddy Warbucks setting out to find Annie after letting her go when he discovered Rooster and Lily and Mrs. Hanigan made up the story about Annie’s parents and…
I digress.
If you and me… me and you, Starbucks… If we could rally 16 customizable cold cups (24 oz is preferable, but 16 oz would do the trick) it would the step right before attaining world peace. I mean look – if this isn’t the next door neighbor of world peace, then I don’t know who/what is…
I am at your mercy, Starbucks.
I’ll pay for them. I just need to FIND them…
I just need to find the Unicorn.
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