Are You An Aerobics Instructor?

I have no idea. This is not me. Clearly. No pink stripes in the hair. Otherwise. Mirror much? I kid… I don’t kid.

Are You An Aerobics Instructor?

One day (Wednesday), I ventured to the gym. I am rather committed to the pursuit of fitness… for the next 8 days.

It’s important to have a plan. 

When I first started my workout Wednesday afternoon, I had a woman compliment my effort, “Wow. Nice job. Those are hard!” 

I’ll admit it. It made me feel pretty powerful:

Then I moved to my next Bosu (spelled U-SOB backwards, btw) feat.




I don’t even know what that exercise is called.

I call it — The Bouncy Bouncy Hey Look I’m A Human Helicopter And MAY Break AN Ankle or May Break The Nose of An Innocent Bystander move.

Basically, one waves one’s arms about as one bounces and flies, stumbles and trips over the Bosu.

Then you go back the other way and do that 12 times. Twice.

Believe-you-me. There is NO WAY to stay under the radar with this move. Enter, co-worker-outer:

*tap tap*

“Huh?” *remove earbuds*

“Are you an aerobics instructor here?”

I snorted.

“Uh. Who? Wha? Huh? Ha? Where?” *looks behind, over and around self* “Who? Me?!”

“Yeah. Are you an aerobics instructor here?”

“Oh gollyheckalmightyonalltheearthNO. I can’t talk and do all that. Oh heavens no. No. No.” I stopped there. 

Co-worker-outer: “My name is *insert name I can’t remember here*. You just look like you teach aerobics.”

“Thank you? Thank you!”

I totally took it as a compliment. I hope it was meant as a compliment.

When I got home I told my husband… “Hey baby. Someone asked me if I was an aerobics instructor. Pretty awesome, huh? You’re so lucky….”

He said, “So, I guess you didn’t show your stretch marks?”

I’m totally going back.

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17 Responses to “Are You An Aerobics Instructor?”

  1. Carrie says:

    Glitter or no glitter, you’re going to be scrumptious in that dress. And for the record, I’d totally take aerobics from you. 😉

  2. Ok, first of all, that dress rocks. No boa – it will fight with all those fab ruffles (I love ruffles, but I look like nana’s sofa in them) and you definitely need a crown. ANd some glittah.

    I’m with Carrie – I think aerobics with you would be infinitely more….erm…interesting than what I do here.

    Oh, wait. I haven’t been going to the gym. To the point that the gym owner is emailing/phoning/stalking me (small town, smaller gym).

  3. jules says:

    I REALLY need to go to the gym….

    P.S. VERY cute dress!

  4. furiousBall says:

    people often ask me if i work at record stores, because i look like such a music snob. and then i punch them in the face.

    in my mind.

  5. Darcy says:

    Sister, you so can pull off that dress without smoke and mirrors! You will be rockin’! Next time when they ask if you teach there-just smile and say yes-it’s way more fun-and come up with a new alter-ego aerobics instructor!

  6. jenny says:

    @carrie – dude. I’d actually love to teach a dance class. But it’d be free-form. I’d just pump the jams and we’d go all funk-tastic!
    @Jenn – Oooh, gym people are stalking you! P.S. I appreciate your bling-input and I will not wear a boa! If you belonged to my gym and you didn’t come in… I’d stalk you.
    @jules – wanna go together?;)
    @furiousball – you’re so furious.
    @darcy – THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! And also…YES! A new alter-ego!!!! You are brilliant.

  7. Kearsie says:

    Dear Jenny,

    The next time my kids play with their Barbies, I’m going to tell them to color in pink streaks.

    Also, did you know Barbie’s middle name is Millicent? Random trivia much, Kearsie?

    Thirdly, I’m thinking that USOB thing is a death trap and should be eridated henceforthimmediately.

  8. Dumblond says:

    I’d take a class from you…if you didn’t want the rest of your students to come back…ever.
    And that dress is fab.u.lous!
    p.s. I totally had that Barbie as a kid. I even had leg warmers that matched.

  9. Andrea says:

    OMG…Totally wear the Feater Boa AND the Crown!!! Why not! Me, on the other hand…I’ll be wearing jeans and a down vest…yes…I know…it’s a big step out of the ordinary for me…but you know…I wanna be COMFORTABLE when I beg my husband to spend more money!! 🙂 You’re GONNA be great!

  10. I didn’t realize the auction was about you…I thought it was about ME!!! Huh…we might have some fightin’ for territory goin’ on! I heard stretch marks are a badge of honor. This was said in the sense of having kids. Unfortunately, in my case they are a badge of honor of the mass quantities of beer I drank in college. Priorities man!

    Oh and the auctioneers sweet wife made him a sparkly vest to go with his tux. You guys are gonna totally match. Oh cute, matchy matchy!

  11. We must see photographic evidence of you gracing the event in that stunning dress. Wow! So hawt.

    And that’s a pretty sweet compliment! I’d totally go back too!

  12. Michelle W. says:

    GREAT DRESS! (See? I used all caps. to express how fab it is).
    I am no dressing-up expert, but maybe some glittery dangly earrings to go with it?

    You totally teach aerobics!

  13. That dress is SUH-WEEEET, and you iz gonna look fine, chubby legs or no.

    Someone once asked me if I was pregnant. Actually, the way it was put was: “When is the blessed event?” If it hadn’t been an old frail man who asked, I would’ve shown him MY stretch marks, if you know what I mean. Do you? I don’t.

  14. andrea says:

    You are gonna rock that dress! It’s gorgeous! I vote no on the boa though – it’ll draw attention for the ruffles and those are heavenly!

    I love your drawings 🙂

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