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A Letter To My 60+ Pound "Puppy",

puppy?

Dear Kevin,

You are over 60 pounds. And from what people tell me… you are still a puppy.

Not unlike my children when they were “puppies”, you like to be held.

Yay me.

Despite your adult-sized body, I know you are a puppy. I see how you leap. I see that look in your eyes that only the wee-people and animals make.

“Hold you me.”

I know that is what your puppy-dog eyes are saying.

But no.

NO.

Do you see you in that picture up there? Not so much, dude. The Humane Society said you were a lab’retriver mix. I think you are more a short haired sasquatch/dino mix.

So. Buddy. Step off. I’ll pat your head, but it is physically impossible for us to snuggle. AND you have claws. No so snuggly.

And your farts smell like you eat Death itself.

And you leave hair all over me.

Not on my list of favorite things…

I don’t even know how to close this letter… because, like – YOU CAN’T READ!

—–

And WHEN DID I BECOME ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WRITES TO and/or ABOUT HER DOG?

If I start dressing Kevin up and carrying him in a purse suitcase… please stage and intervention and save me from myself. And bring me lots of lint rollers. LOTS.

********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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6 Responses to “A Letter To My 60+ Pound "Puppy",”

  1. Catherine says:

    Awe Kevin……I’ll cuddle with you.

  2. BrassyMom says:

    Heheheh! 60 pounds is still a smidge on the small side for a Lab or Lab mix! Depending on his build, Kevin can still get up to 80 pounds and not be overweight. Some labs get up over 100 pounds!

  3. Stacey says:

    And…and…and…if you start bringing Kevin into establishments that don’t normally have dogs roaming, aka clothing stores/grocery stores/home improvement stores, I will have to unfriend you. Today in the shoe store there was not one, but two dogs…in the shoe store. Dogs don’t even wear shoes people…come on! And…and…and one was a huge poodle…just pulling its leash along…coming up to people all the while the owner of said poodle just says, “haha…yeah…she doesn’t mind!”. I gave her the stink eye…it didn’t work. So anyway…don’t start being that person please because I like you too much;)!

  4. Ok, so I confess, I write about my puppy on my blog. Mostly bitching about her stinky puppy farts — eating death itself, OMG, you have that there, too?

    Except mine still has excitement wees, and she tucks her tail when she does that…sooo…I’m so not keen on having her sit on my lap. If her face doesn’t smell like ass, her ass smells like wee. So. not. Pleasant. And she’s only about 20 lbs.

    Has Kevin written a rebuttal yet????

  5. jennielynn says:

    I was unaware Angus had a brother. I’m so, so sorry. The farts get worse. And I wouldn’t worry until you start writing as your dog. Then it might be intervention time.

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