I have always been a fairly fast mover.
Involved in as many things as a day could hold. And then some.
People who walk… um… not fast… drive me bonkers. Even when there is no time constraint there is still much to do, even if means walking to my car so I can just get home and sit.
Which is rare.
Sitting at home.
But what I am trying to say is… time is nearly always a crisis issue for me.
Especially now as I mother a teen.
TWO teens soon.
Of for the love of…
You know the old adage – the older we get, the faster time flies.
#TRUTH
One day last week, as I busied myself with the menial tasks of straightening up the house while the kids were at school and the husband was working in the city… I had one of those emotional rushes that warms your body.
And no, it was not menopause.
It was because at some point when I went to pick up a pillow from the floor and put it on the couch my mind reminded me that my son is halfway through his freshman year and if you look at the coming years on a calendar based on a kid with hopes of attending college – that boy is only home about THREE AND ONE HALF YEARS MORE.
Those reading who are here with me or who have been there – y’all get it.
Those reading with babes in diapers or littles still wearing velcro fastened shoes are not even close thinking about this. I mean, I am sure you have other crises to contend with. In fact, you may very well be DREAMING of the day I am writing because, HELLO ?…TODDLERS. They’re cute, but rather awful.
Anywho. My mind started racing…”We’ve never taken him to Lego Land – he’s too old now! We’ve never been to Yosemite or the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone! We’ve not camped enough or hiked enough  or road tripped enough or established a vacation tradition, even! He will leave and not have enough memories of us!!!”
Crisis.
Of time.
Something I never expected when I looked through books to find a baby name… when I walked the aisles and Babies R Us looking for carseats… during those very sleepless nights… I never expected this.
This sadness.
Regret, perhaps.
Yes… definitely regret.
It seemed this parenting thing would last forever.
But in 3, 2, 1… We need to think about sharing his summers with employers and their schedules.
And stuff.
THANK THE HEAVENS AND SEA THERE IS NO GIRL TO CONSIDER YET.
I mean, girls are great. I’M A GIRL. But mama can’t do this all at once.
This essay, if you will… is less of a lesson of caution and more of a lesson of “HOLY CRAP, LESS THAN FOUR YEARS LEFT YOU GUISE” sort-of essay.
Can you see my gray hairs coming in as I type? Can you see me choking back the tears?
I know I need to probably take an emotional step back. Or several. And appreciate what we have had… the however intermittent camping trips, road trips, visits to the ice cream shop, nights on the couch watching movies and eating ice cream. Sometimes popcorn, but we are much more of an ice cream family.
Sometimes I get lost in what I think families are doing to build experiences with their kids and focus on what we have done and the time we have left. I don’t know why I am so hung up on not having take the kids to see the Sequoias or Yellowstone. Probably because it’s what I did as a kid.
I still have never been to the Grand Canyon.
I am not able to wrap this up with a specific comforting resolve or advice. It’s just worth putting out there. To remind me. To remind other parents… it is so easy to dig in and push through one activity to the next. Every so often we need to look up. I guess it’s kind of like running up a hill. When I run up good hill, I tend to put my head down and count in 20 sets of 8.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
3 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
And so forth.
When I look up, I am always surprised at how much progress was made.
And sometimes I’m disappointed.
Hills are hard.
I suppose I have been looking down and counting a bit too much in my run as a parent. There are some steep hills. While it’s good to go head down and tackle it, I guess I feel I should be lifting my head a little more along the way. I just I don’t have too many 8 counts left and these hills sure seem to be steep these days…
Hug those kiddos, friends.
