Never Have I Ever: Life’s Unexpected Messes

Never have I ever…

How many times have you said or thought that since becoming a parent?

It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to remember all the unexpected messes that have made me think, “Never Have I Ever…”

*This post was created in paid partnership with Clorox©. All opinion and tales of messes are my very own.

I do remember one of the first moments… Breastfeeding my newborn while sitting on the toilet because I was… not well and Daddy was not home and mama’s gotta do what mama’s gotta do. My newborn was not going to wait for dinner.

Other “Never Have I Ever” moments include, but are not limited to unidentifiable stuff on the wall, the fridge, door handles, the kids’ car seats, my shirt, my pants, my shoes.

There was that one time I found my 2-year-old daughter on top of the kitchen table, finishing off a plate of sausages… “NUMMY HOT DOGS MOMMY!”

Or that time she found my ink pad and her imaginary friend, Toofy, encouraged her to explore the ink pad.

There was that other time I took a quick shower and found my almost 2 year-old son guzzling a bottle of pancake syrup in front of the television.

My husband reminded me of the time he was giving a ride home to a friend’s children. One of those children vomited all over the back of the minivan.

I am sure you don’t mind I do not have a picture of THAT mess.

Never have I ever?

Absolutely.

Boogers. Poop. Mud. Dirt. Moldy lunchboxes. Toothpaste.

OH THE BATTLES WITH TOOTHPASTE.

Toothpastey SPIT.

Never Have I Ever moments are not limited to icky, gooey, wet-ish messes. There’s even the *little* stuff, like discovering a mess of Pop Tarts on the kitchen table because, “I don’t like crusts.”

Pop Tart crusts?

I hadn’t ever. Never.

Have I been raising humans or animals?

The jury is still out.

There was the time my son thought he’d play in an imaginary sandbox. Using flour. In my kitchen.

I really wish I had a picture of that.

And then there are my dogs, Kevin and Gus.

One fateful day Kevin (on the left) was sick… from both ends. It all happened lightning fast. The kids were screaming. I ran down stairs thinking they were surely overreacting. Oh but NO. I found myself gagging so hard and so much during the clean-up my daughter (she was 10 or so at the time) thought I was going to die.

She LITERALLY thought I was going to die. So there I am cleaning up the worst of any awful thing I have ever had to clean, and my daughter is freaking out because she is convinced her mother IS GOING TO DIE.

About 10 minutes into this scene,  my husband drove up from work. My son ran outside to warn him, “DON’T COME IN! IT’S BAAAAAAAAD IN THERE.”

NEVER HAVE I EVER.

If it’s not kids, it’s dogs… or it’s that meat defrosting in the fridge that was a little bleedier (I just made up a word) than the tight plastic wrap could bear. The messes from the kids when they were little were probably worse, and more often… and mostly up to me to tend to.

Oh but children grow up, friends! I’ve not caught my now 17-year-old son sucking down a bottle of pancake syrup since that one fateful day. However, there are the tween and teen bedrooms (and their trash cans. Oh my…).

I keep containers of Clorox© Disinfecting Wipes at the ready so I can now delegate the clean up of some of these unfortunate messes… such as: THE WALLS. 

The walls. The doorknobs. Windows. Faucets. 

THE REFRIGERATOR HANDLE YOU GUYS THE REFRIGERATOR HANDLE.

Some days I just want to burn it all down and start from scratch.

But I know that’s just not rational. Nor legal.

What is?

Clorox© Disinfecting Wipes. My sanity in a container. They help kill germs and bacteria, and remove all the things that you never ever’d.

We are in the thick of flu season right now, so I love me my Clorox© Disinfecting Wipes as my combat partner in the fight against germs that could take down the entire family (see: THE REFRIGERATOR HANDLE).

Not only do I love the wipes for me to grab in a pinch, I love being able to be Commander-in-Chief and bring my whole family in on the battle… “Clean the doorknobs! Clean the door! Clean that toilet seat! Did you clean the refrigerator door handle???! Move MoVe MOVE!”

*removes drill sergeant hat*

There are also Clorox© Disinfecting Wipes with Micro-Scrubbers. They are textured to help scrub away some of those stubborn messes other wipes can’t quite tackle. Basically a little extra elbow grease, but with disinfecting powers! I tell ya, I am happy to receive all the help I can get!

So… what about you? I KNOW YOU HAVE STORIES. I would love to read in the comments allllllll about your own “Never Have I Ever” moments. You can leave a comment here. But also – mark your calendar!

 

Join me on my Facebook page, JennyontheFB on Monday January 23rd at 9 a.m. where we will be talking about all our “Never Have I Ever” moments. Put it in your calendar… join in on the 23rd. You’ll be in good company and we want to hear about YOUR stories!