It is right about here that any mens may want to navigate right on out of here.
I’M NOT KIDDING.
*pausing*
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*still pausing*
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MENSES
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You have been warned.
Way back in the Biblical days, women would be sent into tents outside the city during menses… on account of the unclean-ness that a menses cycle represents.
Ya still here, mens?
Modern self-care technology has made it possible for women to stay in-city during said period.
Props, Modern Technology!
But here’s my question, wouldn’t it be more prudent to send a woman to a spa/tent the days preceding one’s menses?
I mean… we all know what I mean, right?
In case we do not… let me share a story. A story about a woman whose cranky pants were SO tight, she could not get them off despite her most intent effort.
PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE WAS RETAINING WATER.
I have been a bit off the last several days. 4 or 5 days, to be exact.
I have been excessively weepy. Ugly things are more ugly. Irritating things make me especially angry… correspondence with ignorant people make me wish I had cat claws, and inconvenient circumstances feel like personal attacks.
That one guy on Facebook who signs his OWN status updates with his own name? I darn-near jumped through Facebook itself and flicked that guy’s forehead.
Patience?
Clearly not so much.
On the positive side, beautiful things are more beautiful…
The sun came out a bit yesterday and I sat in my car and cried for all it’s loveliness.
I’m not even kidding.
I just cried. It was SO beautiful.
*does circle-swirly motion around ear with index finger*
Today, the mess of my home drove me to a madness and eventually I had to stop cleaning and think about my breathing because my throat started feeling like it was closing up.
Seriously.
Holy hell on wheels the depth these feelings – of happiness, sadness, frustration, loneliness, thankfulness… leaves me scratching my head. Or crying over sunshine.
By mid-afternoon today, I put me to bed. I had to put distance between me and the happenings of the day.
I begged. I prayed… JUST START SLOUGHING ALREADY! PLEASE JUST DO WHAT YOU WERE MADE TO DO, BODY!!!
Have you (ladies) ever begged your body to start it’s period?
Today, I TOTES BEGGED FOR MY BODY TO BLEEEEEEED.
You know when you blow up a balloon, and you blow… and blow… and blow… and the balloon just keeps stretching. It just gets more and more uncomfortable. You know it’s gonna pop.
You just don’t know WHEN.
As I laid curled in the fetal position on my bed… weeping… mind racing… churning every thought there is to churn, and power-napping…
I finally popped.
Seriously. When I pulled myself upright 45 minutes later… My mind had settled. Thoughts had slowed and I discovered my prayers had been answered.
As I tell my husband… “The Bloodletting has begun!”
THANK. GOODNESS.
Let the sanity, and also the cramping… begin. And there was rejoicing in the land.
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