I figured I’d create a “top ten” list (give or take), since people seem to like top ten lists. But in random order because, is there any other way???
When one returns from a conference, swag is not the only thing that goes home… There are signs that Bliss was had…
– Blackmail pictures of one’s roommates:
This may or may not be Lucrecer of Art-Slam.
– The inability to un-smile. Kind-of like lock-jaw, but not really. Yeah. Not really at all.
– A state of mental fray that makes it hard to come up with good analogies and whathaveyouandsoforth so much.
– Utter. Total. Complete. Unbearable. Exhaustionivity.
– A deep sense of enlightened creativity… usually manifested by creative spellingsses.
– The shoes that one had once adored, have become an arch enemy. Literally… *rubs fallen arches*
– Denial. *bookmarks cute/hawt shoe links*
– One’s luggage is 10 pounds heavier upon check-out.
– I did not just call myself fat. I. I. At least I didn’t mean to.
– Where once there was a swagga in one’s step… there is a gimp.
– Cute. Shoes!!! *shakes fist at sky*
– A nonspecific example: The inability to recognize one’s airline gate is, say…. C6 and not C2… Perhaps at least until the gate attendant makes the first call for boarding. To LA… and “you” are flying to NOT LA. *wild eyes and panic*
– Can a person roll her eyes at oneself?
– Yes. Yesithinkonecan.
– When a recovering conference-goer enters a public space (grocery store, kids’ school, the gym, airport security…)… she introduces herself as her Twitter handle and mayormaynot say something like, “HI! WOOHOO!!!” to clerks wearing name tags… including but not limited to anyone wearing a cute headband, necklace, fabulous shoes, glitter or actively texting/facebooking/tweeting.
– Hugs for everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
– EVvvvvvvvERYONE.
– *cue shame*
– Not related *eye twitches*… the security people at the Nashville airport are REALLY, really nice people.
– Confusion.
– Or not.
– What?
– Throbbing feet.
– 50% of stored text messages read: “where r u?”, “xoxo” or “DANCING???”
– There is an overwhelming urge to never, ever, never ever want to wear make-up or cute shoes ever again.
– For The Ever.
– An a un-nerving urge to chop off one’s feet The need for a good foot soak.
– Swollen eyes.
– No.
– MORE swollenener.
– The over-use of suffixesses.
– esssesses.
– That may just be me.
– Did you know it is impossible to eat while talking, tweeting, video-ing and talking, dancing and also laughing, or maybe spraying glitter… Hitherhencetofore, I want to make-out with my scale every time I come home from a conference. For about 2 days. Then I go right back to wanting to choke it out.
– I hear that some spend weeks untagging dozens of pictures in Facebook, which may or may not have anything to do with drink ticket redemption and/or wardrobe malfunctions and/or the inability to dance with one’s mouth closed. Including but not limited to pictures like:
Photo “courtesy” Lucrecer of Art-Slam
– I have no idea who that person is in that picture.
– What?
–
– Forgetfulness.
– Having to invest in new toiletry items… because one may or may not have stayed out until 3 a.m. and there may or may not have been enough brain juice left to remember to check the shower for her over-priced razor and other secrets of the trade.
– Weeping.
– But not about leg hair.
– Weeping at the airport gate when saying goodbye to one’s roomie, who… by the way… only lives an hour away. It is just hard to recognize reality say goodbye after a conference.
– One may feel/look a lot like death. But only for a few weeks.
– Post-conference text messages consume one’s phone… “I LOVE YOU XOXOXOXOXO… OMG I MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!”
– Then one may or may not get an email from one’s husband saying you went over your texting limit.
– So you tap your Twitter DM vein to keep your conference high going and not get grounded from your phone.
– Again.
– The kids. Aw…. the sweetness. The love… “MOMMY’S HOME!!!!!!”
– And within 5 minutes. FIVE. MINUTES… “What are we doing, Mom? She hit me Mom! Can I have candy? So-n-so’s jumping on the trampoline with roller skates!”, etc…
– At least there were 5 minutes.
– Ahhhh… the blog conferences…. THE GLORIOUS BLOG CONFERENCE!
– And lastly…
– #10… math. LAME. Nobody puts Baby Jenny in a corner! 10. 10? I’m a blogger. A wordsmith. Not a mathematician. You’ll never find ME at a math convention. Nor making a list with only 10 things.
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