I walked around my yard and took some pictures.
Around the homestead, if you will.
It’s Fall and Fall is my favorite.
But/and also we are going to be moving soon.
I am going to miss this place.
We aren’t leaving the area, but we are leaving the home we built and have lived in for the last… gosh… 7+ years.
My insides are a perfect blend of sad and excited.
I really do believe I have adult-onset ADHD and I think I am ready for a change. I just love it here.
I will miss that gorgeous tree that is still an adolescent as far as trees go.
I am going to miss our apple tree.
And just everything.
Even our well-worn, and much played-on swing set that made me so sick to my stomach to buy way back in the day on account of the expense.
Oh but how she has been played on.
Money well spent.
And well rained on.
I’ll even miss my overgrown garden that technically cannot be labeled “garden” on account of the jungle that has been allowed to grow in it.
My husband built for me one Sunday… on a Mother’s Day. She did a great job of being a garden that one summer…
Some things will go with us. And somethings will not.
I won’t miss the work that this property (3 acres) requires… We’ve had neither enough time nor resource to give this plot of land what it has needed to thrive and show it’s full potential.
However, it makes saying goodbye easier that the John Deere hardly ever worked.
(And if you ever want to know who NOT to go to for small engine repairs in our area – let me know. I can’t say specifically here on account of the fact the guy was so nuts we want to give ourselves a bit of a cushion from the crazy.)
I’m hoping our new home will have a place for the pool my mom and dad gave the kids summers ago. I don’t mind the bald patch because the pool makes the kids so happy. And busy.
But in all honesty… we have no idea exactly where home will be. There will be a home. There are just a great deal of unknowns and I am having to allow myself to let go in ways that are completely unnatural. For me.
I am not a let-goer…
See that white pumpkin? She is a fake white pumpkin. Often, lately… I feel fake because I am constantly shifting inside my skin as I struggle through this upcoming change. I don’t want to be a downer.
“How are you?”… The script that runs in my mind is the opposite of what comes out of my mouth. No one really wants to know, and I really don’t want to be that person.
“I’m good/fine/great/busy/same-ol-same-ol!”
Maybe it’s just a matter of attitude. If I keep saying everything is good that will make it so.
Mind over matter and whathaveyou.
I am going to really miss our apple tree… and those stupid, stabby, overgrowing blackberry bushes that give us all the blackberries our summer fingers, tongues, and bellies desire.
I will not miss the cost of having to re-gravel our long, and beautiful drive that measures at lease 2 football fields in length. But I will definitely miss the drive. I think our driveway is my very favorite of where we live right now… I suppose it has long represented leaving the world behind as I escape home.
I am at a loss for words. The discourse in my head is like a cup that runneth over-eth.
It’s funny… in the abundance of thoughts words fail.
However… Onward. Upward. Somewhere-ward. Sometime. Somehow.
