Make Me Laugh Monday: Maybe It'll Be Funny in Hindsight

It’s been a bit, well… busy lately.

My house is… well… feels less like a house and more like a garbage dump, but with more dog hair.

*eyes go wild*

So, my husband, saw me in my glory distress (read: he may or may not have called home to speak to a weepy, sobby, hiccupy-crying wife who had reached the end of her already very short rope)… SO when he got home he was all, “YOU LEAVE. LEAVE. AND WORK NOT HERE.”

I rolled a lint roller all over my body thrice, and thrice times more before heading out the door… to go work at a local/chain coffee/bookseller. I drove 15 minutes to get away from home to work not in dog hair and the puddles of my own tears.

I walked into the coffee shop. I tried to avoid eye contact with anyone with eyes. Which wasn’t hard since my eyes were so practically completely swollen shut from crying anyway, but I digress.

I ordered a coffee and a slice of quiche.Β  I went to “set-up shop” when I realized all of the outlets were permanently covered.

Hrmmmm…

Of course...

Excuse me sir. Is every single outlet sealed?

Yes.

Uh. Even in the bookshop area?

Yes.

Really?

Yeah. They don’t want people hanging around.

O.K.thenthereisnoreasonformetogetthisfood

Circumstance – 10; Jenny – 0

They refunded my money (thankfully). I went back to the car, and called the Huz. He tried not to, but he laughed, because he knows… he KNOWS I am a MAGNET for this kind of stuff.

You see, it’s not any one thing that is bad or terrible… There are just times when life feels a lot like Chinese water torture. It’s not any ONE drip of opposable circumstance… it’s the relentless drip. Drip. Drip.

Drip.

There was another restaurant I knew had wifi, but I figured with the way Circumstance was courting me, I should make a call and ask a few questions.

When do you close?

I don’t know.

You don’t know?

No.

Uhhh… is there someone you can ask?

Oh yeah! … … … … … I’m sorry. 10.

Do you have outlets that are accessible?

I don’t know.

You don’t KNOW?

Oh …. …. …. Yes we do.

And you have wifi, right?

No.

No? Maybe you just used to… ?

No???

No.

Hold on… … … … I’m sorry. I guess we do.

This is all real, actualy, for real-life conversation. For realsies.

I drove past my home and 10 minutes beyond to finally hunker down for a good 3 hours to knock out a Keynote presentation.

I ate a chicken quesadilla, drank a beer, then ordered coffee and crème brûlée. Some people have blankies they go to for comfort. Me? I prefer a blanket of FOOD.

I finished about 90% of my presentation, and 100% of my food!

Whew?

No.

Enter today – when I was gonna go spit-shine that baby.

Nope. Not.

Gone.

It’s gone.

Gone.

My entire Keynote presentation is gone.

100% of the 90% is g-to-the-o-n-e.

But you know what is NOT gone.

The dog hair.

********

Keep up on the ridiculous, the insightful, the always digressive…

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12 Responses to “Make Me Laugh Monday: Maybe It'll Be Funny in Hindsight”

  1. Oh man!! Oh Jenny!! This made me laugh. I have been there. So many times lately. I can’t seem to get a break. I call my husband crying, “SOS!! COME GET THESE KIDS!!” And he gets home at 10pm when I have let them fall asleep out of exhaustion. Torturing mama is hard work you know!

    Oh boy, I cannot believe your entire presentation was GONE. That is devastating. More tears, maybe some screaming?

    And that conversation with the clueless dude? priceless. My favorite part of the post.

    I am hoping that things go 100 times better than this, and all at once. Karma owes you like HUGE

  2. Amber says:

    I have to admit, part of me is laughing. Not because I think it’s funny, but because it’s nice to know i’m not the only one out there that is a magnet for this sort of stuff!!!

    My house used to get that way too (except substitute cat hair for the dog hair). Sometimes it still does if we’ve been sick. I finally caved and made a daily/weekly cleaning/chore/menu book with 52 weeks of staying on top of everything (including everything from wiping off the counters to changing the furnace an ac filters). I learned that if my house is a mess, my mind is a mess – and I am emotionally unstable at best! If you want i can email you what I made πŸ™‚

    Hope things turn up for you soon!!!

  3. Oh girl, you need a dog hair free day! Take yourself to the spa and get a mani and bring a drinky-poo in your water container. Cheers!

  4. Jenn says:

    Oh Jenny, Thank you for reminding us we are not alone! And no, your not alone πŸ™‚

    I hope that the dog hair finds its way out of your home, your keynote finds its way back into your computer, and sanity finds it way back onto your head.

    Here’s to a week where the skies part and the goddess of time and energy supplies us with all we need to get everything done! (and maybe she can clean the house FOR us!)

  5. Oh MY!!!! That just sucks so much.
    I don’t even have any advice for you, since the dog hair at my house is so bad I have to stop shredding when I do superman, and vacuum.

  6. Jenny Ingram says:

    You know, this reminded me of the time I first wrote a paper in college – ON A COMPUTER and lost it 2 hours before I had to turn it it. Except I have a week before this one is due. So…

    Yes, BACK UP and also BACK UP!!!

  7. Jenny Ingram says:

    Ooops, see reply below πŸ™‚

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