I came upon on my 2020 word of the year in a rather lackluster fashion.
I was sitting.
The moment lacked luster so much… I can’t really remember where I was sitting.
On my couch?
In my car?
It was likely one of those two places. There aren’t many other spots I sit alone enough to think about such important things as words that will define an entire year.
But I do remember this… when the word entered my mind — in all the ways it worked and fit and applied to my life situation… I knew.
In truth, I had kind-of decided to NOT choose a word of the year. I had decided I was tired. I decided the act of choosing a word for the year was silly, unimportant, and too trendy a thing to bother with. I was (and still am) tired of chasing and doing.
(Custom watercolor Word of the Year purchased here – hand-painted by my dear friend Lucrecer Braxton.)
I had had ENOUGH.
Enough of media shenanigans. Enough of to-do lists. Enough of disingenuous spirits. Enough of wasting heart and time caring about things that had proved unworthy of such thoughtful consideration.
“I ain’t got time for that”, etc.
Enough. Enough. Enough.
Furthermore… I am enough.
In the more typical use of this word as a word of the year… I am enough.
I just am.
I am still a selfish human with all the base, self-serving inclinations a human struggles with.
But my short-comings do not mean I am less. I am to value others as better than myself (Philippians 2:3), but also…I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). The act of valuing others does not steal value from the one who gives it.
I choose to believe despite the blaring messages of the importance of performance, beauty, and very loud self-indulgent opinion… I am enough, always.
I am not the smartest (it’s OK, you aren’t either *wink wink*). I am not the most beautiful. I am not the most creative or talented or inventive or generous, yet… I am enough. You are too.
I have enough.
I have enough stuff to sustain my living and breathing.
In fact, I have MORE than enough.
I am blessed beyond measure and I am tired of comparing.
2019 was a very tough year. The financial part of 2019 was the clear winner of our struggle, but it was a hard year in more deeply personal ways as well. I learned a lot about people. And money. And who sticks around. And who does not.
Despite the lack, there was always enough. God provided just enough to spare our home, and to feed our bellies. I am grateful for our families and a few friends who, I believe, became God’s own hands of care and provision in a particularly tough, low time.
In all this, things could have been much worse. We often clung to the perspective offered in that sentiment, “It could be worse…”
Things are better now, yet there is a complex testimony to that claim. One thing I have learned and am still learning is: I cannot allow my mind to dwell on what others have, especially in comparison to what we don’t… or what we have lost.
Because we have enough. We have enough to thrive. It looks different than the “enough” of others. It is different than the “enough” we thought we’d have in place at this season in our lives.
My work here is learning how to celebrate the unique grace I have been given, and how to appreciate the unique blessing of my very own.
I have enough.
I am enough.
And y’all, I have definitely had… ENOUGH.
Question: How ’bout you? Did you choose a 2020 word of the year? Have you ever chosen a word of the year? Why or why not?